I am not a particularly religious man, but I don't like to tempt fate. So I do my best not to compare myself to Jesus in any way shape or form.

Tiger Woods, however, will do that.

As some of you may know, there's a glitch in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08 video game where you can have Woods shoot from on top of the water. It was therefore known as the Tiger Woods Jesus shot.

Well, apparently the fellows at EA Sports are hip to these here interwebs and decided to capitalize on the Jesus glitch with this, uh, not-so-humble commercial.



In the next commercial, Tiger will part the ocean just off the shore of Pebble Beach.

Now, I don't want to get people rattled, but we all remember what happened to the Beatles after John Lennon famously said "We're more popular than Jesus now" in 1966. Later that year he met Yoko Ono, and the rest, as they say, is history.

So will Tiger Woods' road to 19 majors suddenly get a lot tougher? Probably not, but if that knee flares up again, feel free to blame this commercial.

Tiger Woods walks on water [You Been Blinded]

I know most of you are sick and tired of Brett Favre. But by this point in time, you may be so sick and tired of the Olympics that even hearing about Brett Favre will perk you up.

Well, either way, here it comes.

It seems that one church in Wisconsinland is a little bitter about the whole Favre scenario, so they decided to take matters into their own hands by producing this fantastic sign below.


I don't think there's much doubt about the sign, at least as long as the Jets are involved. However, I'd have to think God would certainly be willing to leave you for the Vikings, or since he's God, he could probably find his way on to the Patriots' roster.

By the way, in addition to the Madden Curse, Favre now has the wrath of God going against him and has to face Chad Pennington in Week 1's Karma Bowl for the ages. My prediction: During Favre's first snap of the regular season, he instantly self-combusts.

[HT: Deadspin]

For the first quarter, it looked like Team USA Basketball was going to be in for a fight. But as we've seen from the Redeem Team, they just need a little challenge to get warmed up. The Australians trailed by just one point after the first quarter, but after Deron Williams hit a buzzer beating three-pointer to end the 1st half, Team USA and particularly Kobe Bryant, got their beat down on.

Bryant took his turn to lead the team, scoring 25 points, 9 of which came during the 14-0 run to begin the second half.

Australian Patrick Mills tried to stir things up with Dwyane Wade again, but that's the most resistance the Aussies were able to provide.

Lebron James did his usual work on the board (nine) to go with 16 points.

Up next is Argentina, the defending gold medalists in the Athens 2004 Games, who beat Greece thanks to Manu Ginobili's 24 points and 11 flops.

So long as the defensive intensity remains high, I see no reason why they shouldn't pummel the flopping bald spot by at least 25. Go USA!



Team USA 115, Australia 86 Boxscore

Usain Bolt did today what I think most people expected him to do, which is win the 200m gold in world record time. And he did exactly that, running the race in a blistering 19.30 seconds which you can see below.



Bolt became the first person to accomplish this feat since Carl Lewis did it in 1984. There's little question that anyone who wins the gold in both events is the world's fastest individual alive.

Even scarier is the fact that Bolt is all of 21, and many people believe his technique can be improved. So, in other words, expect this guy to be beating his chest as he crosses the finish line for years to come........that is if he doesn't get busted for doping first.

Now, as much as I hate to bring that up, it's totally valid. The last time we saw an individual destroy people so badly in the 100m dash, it was Ben Johnson. And remember, Ben Johnson didn't slow down at the finish line while setting a world record. Bolt also won the 200m by a mile, which is yet another to be concerned.

The fact is that track and field is so dirty these days, I don't trust any winner in the sport anymore at all, nor do I trust people who came in 5th, 6th, or 7th.

Do I think Usain is doping? Well, I'd like to think he isn't, seeing as he appears to be a guy who actually makes track and field kind of fun to watch. But my jaded side is much less sure, and wouldn't be shocked in the least to hear he's been cheating.

Why is this man smiling? 

You might guess it's because of his record eight gold medals in the Beijing Games.  You might guess it's because he has achieved his childhood dream.  You might even guess it's because he will be featured on the cover of every major magazine known to mankind.

I'm guessing none of the above.  I'm guessing this man is smiling because he just hit the freakin' jackpot.  Dave Chappell joked that knocking up Oprah Winfrey was the way to millions.  My guess is that, when it's all said and done, the endorsement money that will come Phelps' way will make financial status of the illegitimate father of Oprah's lovechild look like chump change.

So millions are coming this young man's way - everything is perfect, right?  Nope.  Not at all.  If there's one thing I've learned from watching countless athletes cash in on their fame, it's that there are some really bad decisions to made out there.  Every company known to man is going to try to get their claws on Phelps and I sincerely hope that he has someone guiding him in the right direction!

So Michael, I've compiled this list to help remind you that all money isn't good money.  Here's hoping you don't have some serious explaining to do to your children and grandchildren in 30 years.

Historical Examples of when $elling Out Goes Wrong

Joe Namath Sells Pantyhose
Joe, Joe, Joe.  Yeah, it was funny.  But pantyhose?  Come on.  Everytime I see this ad I throw up in my mouth a little bit.  This will forever be at the top of most "Celebrity Endorsements Gone Wrong" list.  See Michael, not every ad executive has good ideas!  Don't believe the hype.  Not only did this not work out well for the public, but it also set Joe on a shame spiral that eventually landed him next to Suzy Kolber.  

Michael, if you sell pantyhose, you will be kissing Dana Jacobson in a matter of years.  Please don't go there.  No one wants that for you.


Joe DiMaggio Sells Mr. Coffee
American loved Joe.  America loved Coffee.  It seemed to be a great match.  But it wasn't. 

Michael - America loves you.  And America loves many products.  But we don't want to see you selling just any products.  Look at Joe over there.  Does he look happy?  No.  He looks like he's selling his soul to Mr. Coffee for a few bucks.  You know what America wanted?  We wanted to see Joe smoking a cigarette after a wild time with his wife, Marilyn Monroe.  We wanted to see the look of triumph on his face, not this.  This is a sad shell of how we wanted to remember Joe.  Michael, please don't let this be you.  Avoid Starbucks.  Stay away from Mr. Tea Makers.  And, for goodness sakes, please don't endorse any energy drinks.

Dan Marino Endorses Isotoner
Dan played in Miami - it's pretty freakin' hot there.  Dan was a quarterback - probably the only position other than the holder that wouldn't wear gloves on the football field.  Neither of these facts says gloves to me.  So let's be rational as you're going over your options.  You're a swimmer, so I'm not going to be impressed if you start peddling running shoes.  Stick to what you know.


Rafael Palmiero Endorses Viagra
Dude, I'm not even getting into this one.  If you're impressed by this endorsement, then you need to seek some serious help.  In 20 years, what will Rafael Palmiero be remembered for?  Home runs?  Not likely.  Steroids?  Probably.  That little blue pill that helps little Raffy play?  Absolutely.

Michael, don't go there.  Please.



And Michael - don't just think these things happen to athletes of the past.  Here are a few recent examples of when $elling Out Goes Wrong:

 
Kobe Bryant Endorses Nutella
Nutella?  For those of you that don't know, Nutella is a "thick, smooth spread (paste) made from chocolate and hazelnuts".   Kobe used to endorse them - that is until Nutella realized their idea of spread and his idea of spread were completely different.   If you're looking for that holiday gift for that "hard to buy-for" Kobe fan in your life, why not get them some vintage Nutella.  There are more jokes here, but I'm going to refrain.

Dustin Pedroia Endorses Salsa
Shameless.  Not only does he endorse salsa, he named it after himself.  When I think of salsa, Dustin Pedroia doesn't come to mind.  He's not even the first Boston Red Sox player I think of!  ugh.  When will the madness end?!?  To be fair to Dustin, apparently he's just giving into peer pressure in the Red Sox clubhouse.  I guess they all are trying to move some product these days.  I wish Dustin had gone with something he knew, though - something better than salsa.  He went to Arizona State, so why couldn't he endorse a calendar with attractive cheerleaders on "vacation".


See Michael.  Not everything that glitters is gold.  Take your time.  Sift through all of those endorsements and choose the ones that best represent you.  Remember, this is your shot!  You don't need to get Oprah pregnant, you've already done the dirty work!  Now it's time to reap the rewards!  Just be careful where you're reaping.  I'd hate to see you in a Ben Gay commercial during the 2016 Olympics.